A Creative (?)

So for quite sometime now I've been toying around with re-branding myself as 'The Christian Creative' but I just didn't know how/when to actually do it. And at the time of writing this, I still haven't done it.

But I wanted a space to tell my story; so here we go.
I am Lee-Ann Morgan (hopefully, you'll know me soon as The Christian Creative) and this is my story.

Writing

I first started using my 'creative' energy at like 11/12 years old when I started writing poems. I can remember grabbing my book and pen (because mature poets didn't use pencils, duh) and really expressing my thoughts on:
Christmas time. And a Jamaican bus ride. And the other things that preoccupied my preteen brain. 

I remember feeling a sense of pride that I was able to express my thoughts in this artistic manner and that was my first experience with self-identifying as a creative (ofc, I didn't call it that but yea lol).

I continued to write (and write well if I may toot my own horn,) but not creatively. Instead I gave my English Language stories and English Literature essays every bit of my craft and it paid off. I was a wordsmith and I knew it. My love for words and weaving them together lead me to consider Journalism as a career... that and everybody's encouragement to go for that or law because it would be a good use of my interest in words.

I kept this dream in mind (albeit in the back of my mind) all through high school. Until I got to 6th form and discovered Marketing as something that I actually wanted to do- not just because I could be good at it but because it interested me and I think I liked it. 

(NB: Marketing is a BIIIG part of my story and we'll cover how that fits into The Christian Creative's identity and journey soon, but just know its ingrained in my story and who I am today.)

Dancing

Up until my adult life, I've kinda always flirted with dancing. My prep school dance group would enter competitions and I'd love it. We never won anything, but I loved rehearsing and performing, it did something for my 6-10 year old soul that I can't really explain. 

When I got to high school, I stopped. I knew my high school had a Dance Troupe buuuut I was sure I wasn't good enough. By the time I got to second form, I mustered up enough courage to try out for the dance troupe, after having gone to their season and seeing how beautiful and talented the dancers were.

I promise you, this story doesn't end up the way you think it will lol.

I tried out, got in and spent the first 1-3 years basically in the back of every dance. 

(Looking back now, I think I never truly gave dancing my all because I was never confident that I'd be able to actually succeed. And I am now realizing that if I think there's a possibility that I'll fail, I just don't try as much.)

But yeah, eventually I improved and became an average dancer who did an okay job. Don't get me wrong, I loved dancing and I actually did try to hone my craft but I definitely think I could have practiced more or committed more, and maybe I would have gotten more out of it.

I still love dancing but haven't really danced in about 5 years. The creative in me that loves dance still hears songs and thinks of routines and closes her eyes and daydreams of dancing on a stage again, but for now that's all they are- daydreams. 

If I'm being honest, there's a tinge of sadness when I think about dancing: it's like an unattainable love for me.

Singing

I have been singing my whole life. Literally. Been singing at church and even on a national level at JCDC for as long as I can remember. But at around 13-15 years old, I realized I didn't love it. I could do it, and I liked doing it, but it didn't make my soul happy the way dancing and writing did. 

I still sing but I've never really committed to the training necessary to really hone the gift. Well that's not true; I've started to be more intentional about singing in recent years but again, my fear of failing has kept me from really going for it. 

What does all of this have to do with being a Christian Creative?

Well, I say all of this to say I'm a creative. 

As an adult I've struggled with saying that because if you say you're a creative then people want to see your portfolio of photos or paintings, or hear your song, or see your performances, but I have nothing to show for my claim as a creative. So I never felt confident in saying that I'm one of those people.

However, I see the world through a creative's lens. 

I see sunrise and sunset and sit outside and think of all the colours of the sky and I focus on how the  gentle breeze feels across my skin. 

I take a drive to the country and put my window down so the clean air can smack me in the face and really concentrate on the feeling of filling my lungs with the pure air.

I see people's interactions and think of how personalities are so complex and different but beautiful in their dynamism. 

I'm a creative not because of the work I've done but because of who I am.

And so in recent years, I've been more intentional about expressing that in whatever form the Lord asks me to.

'So yea.. what doe this have to with being a Christian Creative?'

Creatives are known for being open minded and seeing the artistry and beauty in everything, and somehow that's been translated to mean that Christians can't be included in this grouping, because we're limited in our thinking and closed minded and sheltered and the list goes on and on. 

But for me, a true creative speaks with God, the Creator, about making purposeful art that people will see His glory through. A Christian Creative has the privilege of not worrying about if/how people will receive their art because they've been obedient and have created as the Lord leads. 

That's not to say that Christian creatives are an elite group that have an anxiety free time creating, but it's just such a pure experience to follow God's leading and watch art come out of the impression He laid on your heart, or out of one word He spoke to you in your quiet time.

So in closing, I'm leaning into being The Christian Creative and following the Lord as He leads me through this journey. There are many many parts and phases to this, and I have so many things that I'm working with God to eradicate so that He can use me freely in whatever way possible. 

I am The Christian Creative, on a journey and I'm really excited to share parts of this journey with you guys. 

God, Life and other things.

So the other day I had an eye opening experience and because it was so ... momentous, I feel the need to share it.

As a 19 year old girl in her second year of university, I don't have my life together. I don't know where I'm going. I don't know what path I'd like my life to follow and that's ridiculous. What's even more outrageous is the fact that I'm just now discovering that I don't have my affairs in order. I was always the girl who knew what she wanted to achieve; a 3.7 GPA, graduate with a first class honours bachelors degree, a successful entrepreneur, a successful marketer, a firm woman of God. But knowing where you want to go and what you want to do without planning for it is like being in a sinking ship. In said ship, you know you need to swim to safety (you know what you need to do) and you know that since you can't swim, you need swimming lessons (you know what needs to be done). But the point is, you. cannot. swim. So you need a plan:- who can teach you to swim? How quickly can you learn to swim? Do you really need to learn to swim or just to glide and kick? Your plan would answer all your questions and point you in the exact direction in which you want to go.

This analogy (given to me by an extremely wise friend) is exactly how we need to approach life. In light of my vast unpreparedness, I started to seriously plan my life; here are some of the key things I looked at:

1) Education & Career:
   - Where do I want to complete my masters degree?
   - What company and what position am I trying to get into when I graduate? (Or possibly before I graduate)
   - In terms of careers, do I have a plan B? C? D?

2) My spiritual Life
  - There is more that God requires of me, what is that 'more'?
  - How will I use my position in the church to impact the church?
  - How can my witness win more souls for Christ?

3) Relationships
  - Are my current friends a good support system for my future?
  - Do I see my current romantic relationship as the one that will develop into marriage?
  - At what age and stage of my life do I want to get married? Why?

There were a slew of other subtopics and questions but these are just to give an idea of how totally unfocused I was on life and of all the decisions that I am facing now and will be facing soon. So, honestly ... this was very frightening for me; y'know, coming into the realization that life is happening now and serious life choices are being made now. Ensure you're prepared for life. Try to make the right choices. Try to make informed choices. Try to make mature choices. Because the choices you make now are already affecting your future life.

If you fail to plan, then plan to fail.

Christianity: Affairs of the heart.

Okay, so lemme start out by saying that, this post will not be about relationships from a Christian point of view. And to tell you the truth, I don't really know where I'll be going with this piece.. But I've digressed.

Christianity is purely a matter of handling the affairs of your heart and acting upon that. Never heard it put that way? Lemme explain. People generally think of Christianity as that religion where you stop having real fun to do what they say God says which is actually boring and not at all what you really want to do. But it's not at all that. Not even close. I would like to clearly state that I am not of the belief of forcing people to become Christians or forcing them into churches. I strongly believe that Christianity is a matter of understanding just how much God loves us so we can in turn offer him our lives - our entire lives- as "repayment" for everything he did for us out of love. Christianity is about falling in love with Jesus, thus "Affairs of the heart".

Falling in love with Jesus is not less intense than falling in love with your boyfriend/girlfriend. As a matter of fact it's way more intense. Loving God - not his many attributes- is such an overwhelming feeling; it feels like you're being totally drowned in affection... the more you fall in love with him is the more he gives you reasons to love him. The cycle of reciprocated love with God is the greatest feeling in life, I promise.

The issue is, as humans, (it is my opinion that)we are incapable of fully loving as God loves. So, God loves us through absolutely everything we do. e v e r y t h i n g. But we don't do the same. And so we sin. And break our God's heart. Our Saviour. Our friend. Our only true love. And He in turn loves us even harder so we may come back to him and seek forgiveness. But the cycle then starts over and He must endure the pain of our sin and betrayal again. and again. and again. We continuously break our Master's heart just for Him to mend it and piece us back together again and continue loving us with his unconditional love.

And all He asks of us is that we come to know Him; come to love Him. He asks that we give Him all that we have ... He asks that we fully surrender what little we have so he can bestow on us the bountiful blessings he has stored up for us. God is calling us to a personal relationship where He can be our father and our friend. He asks us to surrender our hearts and our will to Him because He knows that the result will be nothing but greatness. He seeks us out and requests that we obey Him so that he can transform our lives and blow our minds.

Will you give in? Will you give Him authority over the affairs of your heart?

Beauty - the true beholder.

A contemplation upon perception:

Have you ever just stopped to wonder why you do what you do?
Like really. WHY do you workout? Why did you get that new sew-in? How bout that new fade, WHY? Why do we make such efforts to "beautify" ourselves?

Don't get me wrong - there's absolutely nothing wrong with the aforementioned activities(or activities of the same nature), my question is why? Well, I've thought about it and guys, the result may shock you,

Just to show you guys I'm not being judgmental, I'll share my personal findings. After deep thought I realized, I wanted so badly to lose weight because I was no longer comfortable with people's perspective of my body not because I was actually uncomfortable with my body. I had become tired of hearing how I've gotten "big". I was even more tired of the people who kept asking if I had put on a little weight. Somebody even asked if I was pregnant once! I so desperately wanted my hair to grow simply because, most people prefer long hair and can only appreciate long hair. Many of the changes I was dying to make for myself were driven by other people's perceptions. But you know what the shocking part is? I'M NOT ALONE.

Crazy right? I mean, how could educated, "confident" young people want to change themselves to suit others? Because, the sad truth is ... many of us aren't who we think we are. I, for one, have always viewed myself as strong and independent. I genuinely thought my opinion of me, was my opinion of me. Except it wasn't.

So, how do we fix this? Through self-love. Tell yourself you're beautiful. Tell yourself that every curve, flab, blotch, and all other "imperfections" you posses are what make you absolutely exquisite. Stop viewing them as imperfections. And if you genuinely are uncomfortable with anything on your body: (1) Make sure YOU're the one who's uncomfortable with it (only your perception matters) (2) Do something about it - for YOU.

Folks, the bottom line is : in today's society, it is almost impossible to be truly comfortable with who you are. It doesn't matter how light-skinned(or dark-skinned), fat(or skinny), mean or nice you are because people will always find faults. But once you start loving you for you, and I mean really loving you for you, you'll see just how beautiful you are.

You are the beholder; beauty is in your eyes.
 
                                                                              Yours Truly,
                                                                                         Ms. Unskinny ♥

Life and all its changes

Life, at best is short. Change, is painfully inevitable. These two variables (life and change) are ... constantly on my mind of late.

Let's start with life; make yours count.

It bothers me that any one person can be comfortable living a life of complacency- for at the complacent level, nothing is accomplished. Start doing things that count; things that matter. At the end of your tenure here on earth, do you really want to be that one person that everybody barely remembers? How will you change the world , or better yet your world? Are you impacting the people around you? We keep our circles small, and trust no-one, and focus on ourselves and so we end up lonely introverts. We die lonely introverts.... The sad truth is, we hurt nobody but ourselves by shutting ourselves off from the world. So I implore you, wake up and smell the roses and realize that the world is your playground. The universe is waiting on you to make an impact. And for us Christians, God is waiting on us to get out there on the battlefield. As Christians, we accomplish nothing by sitting back and watching the world decay. Christ lived his ENTIRE life making an impact on every single person he could and as his disciples we ought to mirror that. As Christians we cannot play the lukewarm role. Christ was truly radical, doing things that were totally unexpected and uncustomary and as his disciples we ought to mirror that. "Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works and glorify your Father which is in heaven" Matthew 5:16

Change now is what sucks. Change has the power to totally distort your whole perspective on everything - if you let it. Change can be a hard pill to swallow, but it must occur and so we must handle it well. Life will throw you punches but you. must. keep. fighting. Never give up. Never let 'negative' changes be your victor.
But most importantly, open your eyes. Open your eyes to all the positive changes. Open your eyes to the endless possibilities a change may bring about and grab at those opportunities.

TBH, this post may come off as just rambling, because that's exactly what it is. OR, if you look hard enough you may just get my point: Changes and life are both yours for the taking; take it and own it.

Elapsed Time

SO. It's been quite a while since I've made a post, but it's not because I've run out of things to talk about (if you know me any at all, you'll know that's impossible) ... its because of my growing lack of nothingness. And trust me this lack is as confusing and vague as it sounds.

Its like this: My actual will to care, to express, to help, to grow and to do just about any and everything is at an all time low. Now, in relation to life and all the many problems it brings ( and believe me, with problems - when it rains, it pours) that's fine; may even be considered as a 'coping mechanism'. But you see the way my Christianity is set up, apathy is a HUGE issue.

See, it may be okay to just not feel anything when you see the rampant increase of media attention homosexuals are getting but it is NOT okay to feel nothing about how these people will spend eternity. It's probably okay to just be chill when you see someone on the road coming from a dance at 7:00am on a Sunday, but it's still not okay to not care about how this person will spend eternity. I could go on and on but the point is ( and by George, I hope you've gotten it by now) as Christians we should be very concerned about the spiritual future of people. We have been called to a life of discipleship, to a life of soul winning, to a life of ministry, to a life which mirrors Christ. Apathy fits nowhere in the mold of the Christian life.

What does apathy have to do with Elapsed time? Well, on a personal note, I've wasted a month or two being apathetic and so my spiritual life was slowly becoming dormant. No daily devotions, no prayer, no seeking after Christ on a personal level. That time that has been wasted on feeling nothing and moping for nothing, cannot be regained and many windows of opportunity have passed me by.

However, as Christians we serve a gracious God and so new windows have opened and there's still time to seek after God's own heart and to yearn to be like him and to gain a passion for aiding in the conversion of non-Christians.

Perplexed..

I'm completely stumped as to how we got to where we are today.
Well .. not completely. The last days are approaching.

Okay so yes yes, they've been approaching since probably 100 AD but that's my only explanation for this mass ... secularization that's taking place. Gambling on a Sunday, parties on a Sunday, unprotected sex before marriage in churches; clearly we're in a whole new state of religious decay.

But, how did we get here? The same way Adam got kicked out of the garden of Eden. Sin.
Sin leads us to question the rules/boundaries set by God, leads us to think that our will and way is higher than God's.

But enough of my Christian 'babble' which probably offends,disgusts or disinterests most of you.
I'm also terrified about the direction in which our world and our generation is headed.
.. Where do I even begin?

It's 'normal' to have your conversations seasoned with profanities. It's 'normal' to feed your soul with music which clearly promotes satanism or other extreme deviant thoughts. It's 'normal' to feast your eyes upon the downfall and mishaps of others (and also to delight in them). It's 'normal' and fun to spend days on gimmicks but 15 minutes on intellectual discussions. All in hopes of being .. different. But how different are you if instead of Vybz Kartel your favourite dancehall artiste is Alkaline? How different are you if instead of 5 "badwords" a sentence your limit is 1? The truth is not different at all.

It sucks that we're okay with wallowing in our state of nothingness; our state of purposeless existence. We are and will amount to nothing & it's chill cuz "the book ting neva did ah fi me from mawnin" or "christian ting deh too much fi me. Plus it boring".

Re-evaluate your life ... what are you living for? What will you be remembered for? Did you make your mark on the WORLD? Where will you spend eternity.. In the words of the rapper Swoope, "Well son do you wanna hear "Well done!" ? Or well son do you wanna be well done?"

Wise up, rise up young people.